one

My little man turns one tomorrow. ONE. I have no clue how this is possible. I’m pretty sure it was only a few weeks ago that he would keep me up MULTIPLE nights in a row eating and I walked around like a zombie for days on end. I constantly had to count my kids’ heads to make sure I had all of them & hadn’t forgotten one at one or in the car (there’s only three… it shouldn’t be that hard) This past year has been one of the most challenging years of my life. A few short months into life with THREE, motherhood was kicking my rear, big time. I remember crying one night, feeling so guilty that even with the help I had, it was just SO. HARD. I told Mat that I loved my babies, but I just didn’t love being a mom right now {then}. If you don’t have kids – don’t judge. If you do have kids – you’ve probably had that same conversation when you have a newborn…lol. A week later my mother-in-law was diagnosed with breast cancer. Six weeks later my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer. Ten minutes later (literally) my dad got a call about a biopsy in which they THOUGHT he had cancer. ¾ of our parents. REALLY GOD?! REALLY?! Life turned crazy and we all dug deep and put on our big kid undies, grew closer to each other, closer to God and everyone is doing {mostly} well. Whew. In the mean time, Jack was referred for club feet (turned out he didn’t have them… thank you Jesus), reflux, a helmet, feet again and now an eye issue. oh. And he has the worst cradle cap EVER. LOL. And every single one of those things has turned out completely fine. He is healthy and happy and perfect. {But seriously – between any of my own doctor appointments, Jack’s and my parents’ – I should seriously get a job designing doctors’ offices.}

So when I think of Jack’s first year – I will ALWAYS think of the grit of this year. Sure…the blood, sweat and tears..the determination to get through… to figure out this new balance of motherhood… to not cry in front of my kids when they are pushing every last button…but mainly  when I look back over the last four seasons, I see God’s hand. I see his faithfulness, his gentleness, his grace. Because when you get that call that your momma has cancer and you’re in the middle of making lunch for your kids…you pull yourself together to get through lunch and get your babies down for naps… and then you weep, you yell and then you get on your face and DEMAND God to show His goodness through this journey. And you know what? He did. Jack. This season has been tough, but this little guy has kept us smiling and laughing the entire way. He has a way of lighting up our darkest days and making us all a little brighter. God definitely knew exactly what he was doing when he surprised us with this little guy. What a BLESSING during this last season. I’ll also think of amazing friends over the past year… friends who just know what to do, say, text. Friends who’ve offered to drop everything and drive to Tulsa to watch my kids… who’s sent starbucks gift cards, who’ve watched my kids while I go to doctors’  appointments, who’ve taken food to my parents, friends who’ve been there for phone calls and texts. The past year I’ve been THAT friend… you know, the “issue” friend…. the one who always has something going on. And every step of the way, sweet friends have known just how to help. 

Today my thought was: We survived. We survived another newborn…lol. We survived the first year with three kids. We survived ¾ of our parents having some serious health issues AT THE SAME TIME.  We survived the helmet lol! We survived learning how to run errands {not so} successfully with three.

So many late nights that turned into sleepy early morning… or middle of the night feedings that never ended… my thought… my mantra was “God’s mercies are new every morning {season}” Here’s to this next year… to a new season… to being a little stronger… a littler closer to God… to curve balls that we don’t see coming… to knowing that God’s goodness falls on us fresh each and every day. Just like Jack’s smile does every morning.

by bethany

1 comment

Letha Hemphill

Your sweet words just touched my heart. God is such A good God! And I treasure the opportunity to share your journey!

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